About Sundar
Gallery 1
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R.D.K Trust


Sundar Kanta Walker



All stories and poems © S.K.Walker - no unauthorised use permitted

New Book: Shantanu Keeper of My Love
and other Poems

is a collection of 25 poems from the anthology below, illustrated by 14 of Sundar's paintings.

It is available at £5.95. Please email to order.

'Sundar Kanta's poems are powerful
songs of love and praise to the spirit
that sustains. Vivid imagery captures
the passion of her spiritual life, and her
paintings compliment the poetry and
sweep us into her world of joyous faith.'

- Maggie Norton, Poet and Novelist
South Cumbria Poet Laureate, 2007


Introduction to the Shantanu Anthology


These poems are written in the form of Bhakti Poems in the ancient romantic Indian tradition. The 17th Century Metaphysical Poet, Meera Bai who is also well known to many in the West, wrote ardent poems addressed to Lord Krishna. The identification with her God merged with her own self until there was no differentiation between her and Krishna.

I am also exploring the Jungian relationship between the animus and the anima in these poems as until we relate to our other half, male or female we stay divided and split. The purpose of our life's journey is towards integration and towards an internal marriage. This marriage can best be achieved if we develop love and compassion for ourselves first before we relate to others and share with them our unconditional love. My Shantanu poems are the first steps towards that journey. Finally, Shantanu is that part of my animus - male self - that is always calm and equanimous. Hence the title - Shant prefix meaning (calm and peaceful - Sanskrit), and Anu (the smallest atom that cannot be divided any further - Sanskrit). The two syllables marry to create this perfect balance that is prerequisite for harmony, peace and fulfillment.

The anthology has 72 poems.

Kanta Walker January 2009.



- 1 -

The Vision


I have the belief
a certain feeling
that the Sun will shine tomorrow
and Shantanu will surely come.

Sometimes on a seesaw of emotions
I sink low - it is hard
to imagine then
that I would be able to
glide and float as light as air.

On perpetual winter
grey, cloudy, weeping days
it is hard to seek comfort
and hang on to the hope
that this dull chill
this muddy murkiness
will surely go -
this blue numbness
will give birth to a thaw.

But today, today I am beginning
to believe and chant
the Sun will shine tomorrow
And Shantanu will surely come.



- 2 -
The Arrival


My love, my love, my love
my dearest, sweetest love
my lost cherished treasure
its been a long
hard journey
at last, at last, at long last
I've found you!

This has been an eternal winter
year of searches
even icier than the
ones that have been before.

I have arrived at long last
where I started
full, full circle -
you my life's wheel
my sacred mandala.

You are my soul
my voice, my body,
my total being
my only true love
what a journey
I have been on!

Spring came -
in each anther of a crocus
in each blade of grass
I looked for you,
in each new bud, catkin, leaf
that appeared on the
swaying silver birch
I sensed the sign of your

In Summer
I sensed I heard
a certain sure footfall,
dreamt -
I robed you
in seven colours
of the summer Sun
but you, my love,
my lapislazulai blue love,
hid behind the trees
stayed still!

In the heat of the Sun
the murmuring leaves
sang your songs
rose buds, warm buttercups
dandelions and honeysuckle
carried your subtle scent
you played hide and seek
with me.

In the Autumn
I thought I saw your shadow
as big as houses
and the elongated trees
danced a fairy circle with you
as the day shrank
at the river's edge
you waited patiently
for me to find you.

Winter saw my death
a deep darkness descended
turned my emotions
into a plastic cube
incapable of thawing
bereft of feeling
an inane, brittle square
became I!

led to nothingness,
my love, my dance master
bereft of hope
I sank into
the indigo night of despair
my mind and body
became a mechanical mannequin
beyond life beyond repair
and I gave up!

Then something magical moved
my soul stirred
a calmness descended,
and in my disintegration
I saw the first sign
a sure presence
of a tender holding!

My love, my love
my true one
your gentle touch
was healing - it gave
birth to me
it gave -
new vision to me!

I am beginning to behold
life in a new light
you nurture me during the day
with sweet nectar
comfort me at night,
soothe me, caress me,
you're my sweet dream
nurturance from gods
love flows from you
in gentle flowing rivers
you cover my fragile body
like a soft blanket.

My love, my heart
my soul, my body,
my being, my breath
I know, I know
your gentle fire of love
with each faltering footfall
of mine will accompany me
on journeys unknown
and yet to be traveled.

My love, my love
my sacred, secret incantation
I am so enraptured that
at last, at last, at long last
I have found my diamond lover
my true, Shantanu.



- 3 -


Lord of my love
the river of my life
I have so much
to share with you.

I know I kept you awake
last night was painful
I was preoccupied
with death, mortality,
my mother's senility -
now the ghost of her
former life
tormented me.

Her bruised wrinkled face,
boney, hooked, claw like fingers
black blue wrists -
the way she was handled -
frailty of her life
now incontinent
the humiliation and the shame
I sensed in her
trying to maintain the last
remnants of her brahmin dignity
life on the edge of a precipice
with nothing to hang on to.

The storm of rage
like a tormented foaming ocean
took possession of me.
Once a gentle, witty mother
full of life full of laughter
where has gone the essence
of you?
The sweet scent that I
knew once lost, gone!
Faced with neglect
and the shut away shame
of an unwashed body
shit smeared, bruised
dragged and pulled
by hapless young
servants - my mother -
betrayal of my trust in
those who promised
to take care of you
and were paid to do so!

Rage screamed of revenge,
suffocation and obliteration
forgiveness was hard to find.
You gentle one knew my torment
my love came to my rescue
your gentle touch and
unconditional love
held my hand and I an infant
is guided to the window,
wordlessly shone the lone star
which is hung animated with love
in timeless light
its sharp diamond edges
dispel my grief and pain.
Fragmented anger evaporates
I understand now - my gentle love
nothing is ever lost
nothing is ever taken
nothing is given away
the pain is transformed
into greater love and elation
we both sing the song of love
the song of life
my eternal husband
and I, your wife.



- 4 -


Shantanu - my love
I a crazed woman
am mad with desire for you!
It is midwinter
of my soul
frozen arteries stem
the blood to my heart and
hoar frost takes away my breath.
It is a sure death
to be parted when my body
needs your warmth
to restore to me
the fire I need to live
my darling love - Shantanu
enter me forever
let this be the lasting
union - the eternal
everlasting intercourse
till I am you and you are me
be with me, my true Shantanu.



- 5 -


My only love
my dear one.

Yesterday,I stood
on the brink of a pink dawn
and saw the universe.
I gazed hypnotized
at the first birth pangs
the placental waves
the centrifugal pelvic force -
the heat and the light
blinded me for a
spellbound moment!

With the maker's hands
I felt and saw life
take shape!
The very first seed
I beheld with a reverential
awe - a tender shoot
still bent with the effort
of being born and
bow to the goddess of life!

I saw such vision of terror too
and I looked on
volcanic rocks
spew forth and smash
into a blood red fire lake
such terror did I see!
I saw a mother crocodile
drown and eat her young
saw a tiger with a scorpion's tail
fierce and forceful
guarding his territory.

I roamed then
into a rainbow of delights
saw an orange woman
with wild, prickly bush hair
dance with an orange child
all this and more of life
I observed and thought -
both beautiful and ugly
are inter-twined like conjoined twins.
Life with its terrors
and its enchantments
keeps me mesmerised
fortunate indeed I am
to have your company
on this my journey
of discovery
my darling, compassionate one.



- 6 -


Lord of my life
my love, my joy,
my spirit guide
you have restored
my universe to me.

It has been a long. . .
a long time finding you!
I once caught a glimpse
of your peacock crown
as a child.
Little did I know then
Shantanu that you were
an intrinsic part of me.

In my self-involved youth
diversions dragged me
into long labyrinthine
futile, empty pursuits
they were all narcissistic
journeys into nowhere!
Many a time you tapped
lightly on my shoulder
but I was foolish
and did not look
in your direction.

Then I became a mother
a homemaker
mothers and homemakers
are busy people
have little time
to address their needs.
I was a hungry woman
feeding others!
It was then, my true one
that you gave up
became unreachable
beyond recall
a briefly held
past enchantment.

Now in my middle years
when each footfall is a
slow, laboured monumental step
you have returned!
You keep me company
you keep watch over me
you cushion my steps
your gentle shared thoughts
guide me - propel me forward.

I truly love you
for your protection
your hyacinth presence
is the talisman at night
it bathes my body
and wraps me in its warm love
soothingly puts me to bed.

In the darkness of night
I see you robed
in glowing rainbow colours
dance with the moonbeams.
Your silent company
is my sweet valediction
you are my charioteer
my unusual, jeweled love
you are my guiding light
I will cherish you, and love you always
to the end of this mortal life.



- 7 -


Lord of my love
keeper of my life
let you be the witness
of my search
spanning over centuries.

Here I recall the summer
when I painted
over eastern sunlit rooftops.
Do you remember
the songs
the melodies I made
and sang
in praise of you?

You were my
magical muse my love
you were a part
of the summer skies
you were the breeze
that sang in the lime tree
the singing scarlet
in the bouganvillea -
the melodious fragrance
that lingered in tuberoses
covered in dust
in an unloved house..

You were also
infused in the little girl -
child who called daily
to see what I had painted
her singing head
covered with a halo of
black curls Medusa like
she twirled and danced
in ecstasy with me
it was the song of you
we sang together.

Where did you hide?
In Kalu sweeper's broom?
Or in the highly polished
brass pots neatly arranged
in a dusty forgotten kitchen
little used and over run
by brown mice, bats and lizards?

That was a long painful journey
in search of illusory love
vainly I looked
high and low - over trees
under skies and painted
higgledy, piggledy roof tops,
searched in empty pockets of
impoverished rich men.

In each brush stroke
smudge, mark, and line
of my paint brush
I searched for you
in each painting I hid
a secret talisman
a silent prayer
for your invisibility
to become visible to me.

Now you're here, My Love
you are the answer to my
soul song -
sung in darkness and light
I marvel at your presence
make melodies and sing -
it has been a long
long journey, My Love
there never will be another
parting - you'll always stay.

The earth will spin
the sun will set
the sky will change in colour
the seas will be stormy and wild
but you -my love
will be there and our
love will go on and on and on
forever and forever.



- 8 -


My great eternal lover
I wish to love you
I choose to worship you
in new delicious ways.
The soft spring grass
is my tender heart
let us sit together
with you cradled in my arms
my darling fragrant love.

The crystal clear of my eyes
are the two windows of my soul
as we gaze together
it is a great adventure
and an exploration
of our glorious granite planet
so vast and so mysterious.

The tall trees
the gentle mountain winds
whisper secrets to you
rivers keep you cool
bathe you and anoint you
and I give you all my love
only to you - to you
to only you.

If you be footsore and weary
I'll sing you to sleep
and make a shawl to wrap you
with my long silken hair
to keep your body warm.
I'll oil your temples
and cosset your feet
until you are sound asleep
and have blessed dreams.

I'd cook nettle soup for you
serve it with warm bread
that I bake, with butter
and lashings of honey
made from golden bees
that feed on our apple blossom
green gage jelly you will have
with your high tea.

Daily will I feed you
with new foods
foods for the body
foods for the mind.
I'll make you run and skip with me
we'll do a merry dance at night
on cold mornings we'll sing
my love, my lord, my darling love
you are my treasure
only you are only true



-9 -


My lord, my love
my heart's desire
my peregrine falcon
my true spirit
I see you soar, Shantanu
high in the winter sky
and take this message
of hope to all
who are in pain
shackled in burdensome chains
and in prisons other make
in prisons they make for themselves.

Tell them that we the people
of this beautiful emerald planet
were never meant to be
bound, gagged and restricted
our liberty taken away by
insensitive leaders in control
who inflict endless suffering
promote hunger and pain.

There is room enough
enough for all of us
there is ample food
plentiful for all of us.
There is abundance
and riches galore
for us all to be shared
cared for and enjoyed
by all of us.

Loving, sharing and caring
I've learnt from you
my kind, kindred love
you have taught me generosity
to give without expectation
and receive with gratitude
by your example daily you show
how love grows and multiplies
by generosity of heart.

You're a free spirit
you have set me free
from the chains I had
made for myself.
You have shown me how to
retrieve the key that I had
thrown away after locking
myself in the prison I called home!

You showed me how to glide
and soar high up in the vast
turquoise blue skies
swim in the oceans deep
of my own imagination
and rejoice in my creativity.
You taught me to see again
how the mountains and the
ancient woods, deep dark lakes,
estuaries, rivers and seas
have a rhythm, have a freedom
that sets us free.

You have taught me to reclaim
my spirit, my soul, my freedom
and fathomless love
nurturance for all around me.
Now my pathfinder, my companion
I promise to follow you, follow you,
all the way, all the way
my cherished dear one, my Eyes.



- 10 -


Light of my life
my love, my companion
in each footfall
I feel your presence.
In each breath
I see life's rhythm
mingling your spirit
into mine
feeding me, fuelling me
giving me the motivation
to do my dance.

Changes are writ
large in my life
I welcome them.
In your company
each nano moment is
a slow dance
a rhythmic adventure.

There are some mornings
when wracked with
crippling pain
I wish to give up,
curl up and shed tears
it is so easy
to paint myself with misery.

Your sacred protection
your touch upon my spine
mends, makes me move.
I forget my disability, my age,
as I twirl, curl and swirl
even do a pirouette or two
and a quick handstand
write on a wall
with my toes dipped in red.

Yesterday was difficult
I felt so despondent
could barely respond
to the demands made on me
by so many - all wanting
a piece of me!
On this trying day
you soothed me
with kind soft words
you sang encouragements to me
you cushioned and carried me.

With your help I fed 108 hungry -
all full, feasted and watered.
I lean on you my magic wand
my sun robed magician
you take me on new journeys
I would not go alone
you show me new mysteries
of life daily
you are my sacred talisman
my peerless prince
my true friend
my ears and my eyes
my hands and my feet
my head and my heart.
Sweet honey dew bathed, sun god
I shall love
for ever and ever into timelessness.



- 11 -


Lord of love
light of my life
my sun king!
Christmas has come
there is reverence
in the air
together we have
seen the magic
on a child's face
under a fairy light lit
much tinsled Christmas tree
asking the tree solemnly
to make his wishes come true!

You noticed Krishna
sing carols sweetly
in the Krishna way -
"Little Lord Cheeses"
Who is Cheeses,
his mother asks?
Pointing to a red round
of babybel cheese,
he says taken aback
at our collective ignorance
"Can't you see,
This is Lord cheeses!"
He is only three
so we laugh
at his quaint interpretation
of Baby Jesus and Christianity.

Driving home on
our way back
through a veil of mist
we beheld the enchanted
valley together - what light
what silver carpet of shadows
so still, so silent lay before us!
How holy the hills appear
framed in a lilac sky -
an ocean of peace and joy
descend in our united hearts
we mingle our voices and sing,
'holy, holy, holy, most holy!'

How fortunate my lord
of love and compassion
I am to be
journeying with you
my forever love, my true one
my lord cheeses!



- 12 -


Lord of love
light of my life
today I nearly gave up
and lost faith
a thought crossed my mind
'my love, my rock
has forsaken me!'

Shut in a deep, dark tunnel
with no light in sight
whilst clanging thuds
and clamouring chaos
surrounded me.
I beheld my world
disintegrate and drown
and life closed in on me
I felt I was at the end
of your great mercy!

No room to breathe
in a tight hole
no room to turn
or twist a limb
I shook and trembled
on fears that fed
upon my irrational fantasies.

Where have you fled to
my jade, obsidian love
left me all alone
in my hour of need?
Mad panic descended
in the pit of my stomach
and travelled heedlessly
to my very toes!

Little did I realise
that you were there
right at my elbow
whispering reassuringly
'lie still and all will be well'
you told me -
'you will soon re-emerge
out of this dark night chaos
inch your way out!
Find a new way forward'
you said - 'dark tunnels always end
in bright day light and
fearful changes lead you
to illuminated insights!'

You were right
my love, my true sapphire
my keeper and my friend.
Music filled me as I crawled
out of the suffocating hole
what untold talents
you possess, my love Shantanu
I should have faith in you!
By your presence
you comfort me
your spontaneous love
heals and makes me WHOLE.



- 13 -


Lord of all my love
my life, my light.
I look down from
the azure sky
and float on a pile
of goose down clouds
glide and soar.

What vistas lay
spread out before me
what treasures
I see as far as
my gaze reaches
as far as I see.

The east is already garlanded
with a precious pink halo
the distant zigzag line
of the misty sea
is dipped in indigo blue!

This ocean lifts a purple
mountain finger invitingly
enticingly beckoning to me
ordering me to come hither
and explore the steep path
well explored by a goat herd.

Swooping like a condor
gliding on the air waves
like a lofty majestic king
I choose to come down
and softly land!

Now I see the golden sands
a magic carpet unfolds
as far as my gaze reaches.
Sea waves rise up and sing
your song and I sing along
'Shantanu, Shantanu,
my precious Shantanu'.

I lie in the sun
with my eyes closed
in the pinks of lids
I fold you and carry you
as life - a pool of rosy glow
a fire that lights and leads
and feelds ephemeral life.

Soon I feel your warmth
in the winter sun's rays
with my toes
I trace your name
in the sun soaked sand
savour its warmth slowly.

The evening has spread
its shawl on the warm sand
the sky is awash
with a lavender light
the silver feathers
of slow sailing clouds
briefly pause - do a slow dance
the sun disk kisses the sea
lingeringly, longing for more
the horizon is all gold
magenta pink, lilac
it rises and falls as it breathes
and shimmers.

In the stillness
of the last light hour
I hear you sing,
dance to the rhythm
of my heart beat.
Untold joys fill my body
fill my mind and soul.
You are my harmony
my creator, my life's rhythm
my self, my symphony,
my sphere, my universal song -
my only true love
Sun God - Surya of the East.



- 14 -


Lord of love
light of my life
my only true
eternal lover
tomorrow the new
consciousness celebrates
your entry into my life
for a whole year!

Years have come
and years have receded
you were always within
reach and yet sadly
I felt all alone
not having known the way
to reach you - my life
drifted, lacking purpose
lacking love - I a needy woman
was looking for quick fixes!

Today, in the shelter of
the Andalucian hills
I know that you are enduring
mortal time has no meaning
for you my magical - Om
who has been and is
will ever be.
Sky high
and oceans deep
creator of this universe.

I cannot measure my love
for you - it is vast and growing daily
the depths of the sea are too shallow
to map it
it is fathoms deeper
than all the oceans deep
and steeper than the Everest peak.

I behold your calm presence
in the vast expanse of the sky
and in the mere folding of the wings
of a seagull
I see you lift me to great heights
to let me see, let me glide,
let me soar as light
as the lightest feather.

From the aquamarine minarets
of Moorish houses
from the stately dome
of a gilded palace
I have gazed down
this enchanted landscape
you held my hand
to steady me and keep me safe.

You have blessed this
our special anniversary day
and let laughing children
share my love, my joy.
I have skipped down the steps
and have run to catch
the wind with them
I know that you are by my side
if I falter you are ready
to steady me.

If I miss a step and fall
you pick me up
and dust me down.
You anoint my grazes and cuts
with cool healing balm
you are my eternal lover
who cradles me
in his strong arms.



- 15 -


Lord of my love
my only life
I have stayed in bed
today of all days!

I tried to get up
but my body beaten
and weary refused
to obey and the head
that you gave shelter to
groaned in pain.

So, I stayed put
and watched the sun rise
in the east
and observed the few
clouds floating
in the misty dawn.
This earth, this paradise
of ours blossomed
as the day moved on.

It is only half a circle
from my window
to my bed
and the day slid past.
I watched the sunset too
and counted sun fairies dance
then make their nests
ready to retire and rest
in warm, red rock, crevice cradles.

You gave me sustenance
I feel warmer
as the worm has been
suitably cast
released from past miseries
honoured and entombed
in watercolours.
Now perhaps the two of us
can welcome Christmas
with a light heart!

It is a blessing indeed
that you are with me
my only love -
you - my lover true

are forever me
and I am you
my only love
my Shantanu.



- 16 -


Shantanu my love
today the sun shines bright
in Almaria, Andalucia
the crimson Bouganvileas
are resplendent in the dew
they dance in their bridal gowns.

You are my Sun healer
your warmth sweeps away
my arthritic aches and pains
Shantanu, you are the one who
gives me strength
bestows news energy into me
and gives me the will
to face life
with new determination.

It was only yesterday
when I felt my head explode
and feared I was
at my journey's end
never having lived for myself
and things still needing to be done
for others - my self still waiting
for time and for realisation.

You are the balm to me
my true love - my friend
your gentle care sustains
maintains my body's rhythm
makes my heart beat
and blood circulate, irrigate,
nurture, renew and
remove my physical pain.

Today, I truly feel
that I have been given
a new life
to be creative and just be me -
I dig deep into my psyche
ready to bring out new visions
dipped in the rainbow colours
of the spectrum
luminous and radiating with light.

In your grace
and in your bold beauty
there is so much to see
and invision
worthy to hold, to touch and to feel
to treasure always
I am so keen to walk with you
in this bright sun light of my life
you are the lord of my love
and I your true wife!



- 17 -


Lord of love
my only true love
keeper of my life
I will narrate to you
how long, how long
I looked for you.

In the vast blueness
of the skies
in the greyness
of the immense dome
in the changing clouds
I searched for you.

In the still, deep
chill Scottish seas
in the calmness
of the indigo Indian ocean
in the jade green
of the Bay of Bengal
I gazed and searched.

In the azure, clear
mirror of the Mediterranean
in the wild stallion bucking waves
of the Syrian sea at Tartous
I thought I saw you
in the grinding and the pounding
in the writhing and entwining
in the heart of the desert
it was a mirage.

when I stopped still and searched
you were gone, you were gone.
I looked for you in the winds
in the chill winds of a winter
and the fresh winds of a summer
in sand storms
in gale force, howling hurricanes
I thought I heard and felt
your approach.

In the valleys
on the hills
over cairns, peaks and mountains
I walked and I searched
I climbed and I called
no one heard and no one answered.

In this dark night of despair
my soul grew weary
my body became inert and blue
I shut myself away
and waited for death
to call on me for the final journey
yet my song was unsung.

Then I heard you
in no uncertain way -
I felt your presence
in my bowels
in my body
in my head -
you are the inner core of me.

Having found you
my true love - my eternal warrior
I see you everywhere
in and out and all around.
You are in the sky
star studded and moon laden
worshipped by the sun.
The wind, the sea
the mountains sing to you
a blade of grass near me
sways to your touch
and dances in harmony.

You are me, my spirit
both within and without
you are my breath
my being - my Atman
your holding is firm and gentle
in your embrace I shed my fears
you blanket me with warmth
during day and night.

Lord of darkness
Lord of light
Lord of love
my only Shantanu
your love is my armour
I have nothing to hide
I have nothing to fear
my immortal, A'mour



- 18 -

Lord of love
breath of my body
in the fullness of time
transformation takes place.
I have learnt to be patient
and wait for your blessings.

It takes a cactus in the desert
a few drops of rain to flower
that may take ten years or more.
a grain of sand is turned into
a perfect pearl through
ions of time and patience.

A full well does not miss
a bucket of water
and in my ardour
I - a flowing river of love
I give you my all
and yet there is more to come

A small gesture
a kind word
a smile of recognition
is enough for me
to make my heart leap
and my body dance.

In my knowing I know
I'll follow you, follow you
forever, my gentle love,
my life, my true one.



- 19 -


Fountain of love
my dream emperor
I have entered
this new world
with a bold step.

In the pink haze
of the western sky
and the setting sun
I have been a skylark
singing my solitary love song
for you, my only one
only for you - in case
there is no tomorrow.

You are my sacred mantra
my immortal melody
you are the first note
a - for the new era
the dawn of a bold
golden age - Satya Yuga
in which my Shantanu
reigns supreme
in my mystic mansion
with a golden sapphire studded dome
and one thousand minarets.

In each minaret
I paint a celestial image
and my breath sings - makes music
my feet do a heavenly dance
only done by the chosen few
I am ecstatic, my king of kings
That you have chosen to
be my mansion, my music,
my spirit, my loving light,
my life, my body, my soul
the total me!



- 20 -


Lord of my universe
my only celestial lover
view this land of pink and gold
with its untold treasures,
unfolds new landscapes,
new riches, new mysteries
to us and many, many more
uncharted journeys yet to come.

I am enchanted indeed
with the beginning
of each new dawn day
I am drunk with joy and
tender love for you -
happiness robes me daily
in its rich crimson silks and satins.

The opulence of
sapphires, lapis, amber,
emeralds, turquoise,
garnets and red rubies
are to be found every day
in geraniums, hibiscus
and the seven colours of
the purple amethyst dipped
fairy bouganvilieas,
as they swing and sway,
the gold of the marigolds
bathes me as I pass.

Each surprise surpasses,
dumbfounded, wide eyed
I watch
this ever changing landscape
now cornflower blue waters
hug the shore
splash and bathe my feet
tickle my toes
as children play ball.

Wrapped and packed in fuschia
of a bouganviliea sunset
spheres sing to me
weave a new dream
dipped in opaque silver ink
punctuated with the arching new moon.

Everything is precious
treasures are all around
they wrap me, surround me,
so new, so pristine, so pure
you are my true one who
rules over my heart,
you are the bringer of all
I see and possess.
You are my benign ruler
like the ocean
that rules discriminately
over this our Earth.

You are the Sun God
Karana - sage of ancient times
riding your precious chariot
in your armour of pure gold
fighting for peace and justice.
your spirit endures all
my immortal lover -
my one and true
in thankfulness of the riches,
the joy, the life that is yours
and mine I honour you
with all that I know
with all that I feel
with all that I possess.



- 21 -


Lord of my fading beauty
my one true love
my gentle pathfinder
does it matter now
if past false loves
fade into dust
become memorablia
stored in dusty
trinket boxes?

Does it matter
if Januaries come
and Januaries pass
bring with them nostalgia
the smell of deceit
and past betrayals?

I know what your answer is
my darling, precious one -
'it is all measuring time
with the past footsteps'.
The real journey has
only just begun
and you are with me always
within reach, accessible.

In your silence deep
you say so much
convey to me wisdom
without words
without sound.

Language has but
one dimension
yet communication with you
is so deep, so rich,
each gesture, your hand,
your gaze, the flick of your hair
the shake of your head
your gentle, sweet smile
says all, says all.

Words are so feeble
you don't need them at all
you are so accomplished,
my love and being with you
makes me a little wiser too.



- 22 -


Keeper of my love
lord of my life
my true and only soul mate.

Who restores order?
you are the one.
In the chaos of my life
you are the only one
who re- forms, reveals and
out of disconnected parts
makes me whole.

You give me unconditional love
that knows no ending,
shower me with comforts
when I am buffeted, bruised,
and swayed with
conflicting emotions.

You are the stillness
In my life's stormy waters,
you are the calm
after gales and storms
you are the Sun that
bursts forth shatters storm clouds.

You are the Moon
on my deep dark night
you are the balance
between all opposites
you are the axis
of my precarious life.

You are the eternal dance
taught by the God Shiva
to maintain the equilibrium
in various worlds
to keep them spinning
balanced on just one foot.

Stop me from going
to the edge and falling
into the abyss
hold my hand always
my compassionate love
and comfort me as always
light of my life - Shantanu.



- 23 -


My eternal lover
my chaste Shantanu
my eyes!

Today, I feel lost
in my solitary mansion
and sit counting each
moment, each hour, each day
and each endless night.

Why have you
abandoned me - my Knight?
Yours is a rosy life
paradise is yours
you drink nectar
from the virgin's cup!

After showing me
such visions and riches
happiness beyond dreams
ecstasy in your embrace
promising me eternity
and undying love
you run away?

In my loyalty to you
I can't condemn
I can't hang labels
of fickleness, betrayal
around your neck.
These epithets
won't suit you
my lord, my love, my life.

There must be a reason
beyond my reasoning
there must be an answer
that I cannot interpret
there must be a symbol
whose meaning escapes me.

In my dark dismay
when my heart is so low
all thinking stops
all answers allude
I can only pray
I can only say -
'My blessed love,
return to me and
return to me my only love
without your company
my eyes stay open
I keep watch all night and
each day is an eternity of pain
I am a crazed woman chanting
your name again and again
all for nothing in vain'.

I have become weary, so weary
beyond your blessing
beyond a cure, beyond recall
unable to eat or drink
or to think straight
a terrible exhaustion has set in
I am unable to be your
watch woman anymore!



- 24 -


O joy my love - my only one
my only truth my natural law
my Dhamma, my Dhamma
what a journey I have taken!
I have seen your nature
at its splendiferous best.

When the seed of
Maracuya tree
dances in the Sun
you dance with me!

When the Chirimoya
flowered first
then bore honeyed fruit
you feasted with me!

When we saw the
dandelion umbrellas take wing
and fly a mile high
you took my hand
and flew with me.

The doves cooed
we sang with the linnets
nightingales and larks
and danced with
the peacocks in the shade.

We saw the Sea Seed
Glide and curl
cushioned in the foam and
fed by the sea spray
being carried by the waves
measuring the distance
by the sun, by the moon
from Africa to Australia!

I was captured by
enchanting earth visions
such awesome beauty!
You whispered in my ear
'We carry our destiny
with our germination
some stay rooted
and others travel
to the horizons' end,
it all depends on
how fortunate we are!'

I look and discover
in disbelief and find
treasures that surround us all
fortunate indeed I am my love
twice blessed to have found you
in the eye of the needle.
You give me insights daily
new visions, new paths!

You show me the elephants
the rhinocerous, the orang utans
many hued monkeys -
I bow to them all -
our ancient ancestors.

The hornbills, the ants, the bees,
the playful macaws
are fulfilling their destinies
as I do mine!

Having you with me
is such a gift, such a comfort
it makes me see all sentient
things differently
my dear one
I am daily blessed by you.



- Kanta Walker






Thoughts and Feelings

Words are powerless to describe what I have seen yesterday and today in Auschwitz and Birkenau. The immensity of the human suffering chokes me, and the depravity of the captors too, is beyond words. What does one do to process such an experience - it is the journey of a lifetime. Above all are the innocent faces of men, women and children indelibly etched in my heart!

Such wide-eyed innocence of the children, such elegance and the femininity of the women along with the fear of the unknown is all pervasive. Lines and lines of men's faces staring in disbelief at what was happening and the fear of the hellish unknown is writ large in their eyes.

Then there are the mounds of mountains of human hair, clothes, shawls, combs, brushes, mountainous piles of shoes off all varieties and modes. I still envision a little pair of a child's red shoes, still soft and rounded with the imprint of a chubby, unsteady foot with the faded bows - so moving. Tears wash my face.

A house full of empty suitcases with addresses, names painstakingly printed with steady hands and embellished are now an abandoned graveyard. All these journeys people undertook with hope ended in torture, treachery and death. All this ephemera of these still unlived lives - pots, pans and kettles weep in dust.

What virulent and macabre sickness their perpetrators must have contracted that all traces of humanity left them? I carry so many visual images in my head, they overlap, crowd and jostle for attention.

Repeatedly, I see a face that pops into my consciousness it is of a sophisticated, well groomed, cultured beautiful woman. She wears a hat slightly tilted to one side. She carried her leopard skin coat on her arm showing her wealthy origins. Surrounding her are her two children, equally self possessed, well turned out and self assured. Little did this family know that their descent into hell had just begun. So trusting the trio looked as they stepped out of the train carriage! Little did they know that their robotic captors, these human automatons would willingly push them into gas chambers to writhe, suffer and die a slow death minus their possessions and dignity.

I would need to express it all later when my mind is still and I can grasp it better. At present I don't understand fully the enormity of it all. It is on such a vast scale all around me, enveloping me and saturating me.

The images of pain, anguish and starvation are writ large of this vast landscape of the two sites. The priest Kolbe who saved someone's life and took his place in the line of execution and then was systematically starved and then given a phenol injection in his heart. His starved face is resolute and calm and looks through the aggressor with compassion in his eyes, Christ like. These stories are repeated many times when brave Polish men stood up for others' right to live. Father Koble was a scholarly priest who had spent time in Japan doing his work and spoke fluent Japanese.

The narrow cells where the men were shut in and punished for days to break their spirits. With little room to move they stood in the darkness for days and yet their spirit could not be broken and they had to be shot and hung in the bleak court yard. The way the poor Polish, Jewish and Gipsy people lived their last days, months and years of their lives is beyond imagination. Their tragedy is too large to take in. It all happened and I saw the remains of it! The Gas Chambers, the Chimneys, the incinerators, the ponds in which their ashes were dumped are all there as a final testimony to this fiendish carnage. Above all are the rows and rows of faces and their uniforms and the ephemera of their lives that would never let me forget them.

The medical wings in which the innocent children were experimented on, cut up, brutally tortured and murdered when they were no further use are a living testimony to the fact that when human beings are devoid of their feelings they are no longer human. That is what the Nazi ideology did.

And yet amidst all this pain, extreme suffering and death I have felt optimistic that somehow all these millions did not suffer in vain, and this extreme suffering sanctified this place and made it like a temple. I have gone into these vast mortuaries and torture chambers my heart much humbled and full of prayer for the victims who suffered. I am equally sad and full of compassion and pity for the aggressors too.
Had they come from my background of beliefs in reincarnation they would know that they would have lost the right to being born as humans again and that they would go through a tortuous process of experiencing and re-experiencing the suffering they inflicted on others.

On the way out of Birkenau I could still hear the frogs croaking blatantly in the ash filled ponds and I smiled to myself ruefully thinking they were perhaps the Nazi guards and other perpetrators reincarnated into an over infestation of frogs. They were perhaps in this life feeding on each other, biting and devouring each other and then spewing out parts in these ash-laden holes. What a vision!

7th, and 8th May 2009


To an Unknown Woman in Auschwitz.

You stand there, still, solemn and expectant
From the train as if for a Valet
To step forward to take your valice.

You are young
No more than thirty, I guess
The elegant beret you support
Frames your face to perfection.

Your leopard skin coat is
Slung lightly over your arm
You show breeding, show class
Your grooming tells me -
You are well connected.

Two children may be six and eight
Stand by your side looking up
Waiting for mama to say 'let us go'
Rest now in soft beds and repose!

Yet, mama is still waiting
In a slim sleek outfit
With her leopard fur coat held lightly
In a casual way.

I would like to write your stoy -
Your husband steps forward
Kisses you ardently - bends down
And hugs the children
In a warm embrace

The children sing and shout
'Hurray' for papa returned
as a conqueror with lots of gifts
Presents for all!

Sadly - this is not so.
History tells me
That your watch, your rings
Your necklace were removed
Your fur coat and your valice
Taken away for safe keeping!

You were ordered to walk
Along a much trodden road
Were ordered to undress your children
And remove your clothes
Only to be cleaned and disinfected
After the long journey with others.
Then you will rest have hot borscht
And a clean bed to sleep in!

What lies and what deceit!
I am told that you struggled
You writhed and screamed
Holding your children you choked
Coughed and suffocated
Each breath was painful
Your chest tightened you vomited.
Then died - you and the children
Were dragged thrown in a pile
And incinerated.

That same night
Muller took his sweetheart to dine
At an expensive restaurant
In Krakow and presented her
With the Leopard Skin coat
'A gift from a satisfied boss'
he added. 'You will receive
many more' he said kissing her lips
and promised her a good night!




I am packing my 'Eminent' suitcase
Getting ready for my journey
A tremor of excitement
Mixed with apprehension
Follows my footsteps!

First I open my chest drawers
Pause and take a long look
Then I take my black underwear out
And lay it on my bed -
5 pairs of nicks, 3 vests an under slip
You can't have enough of them
I say to myself.

4 pairs of socks 1 pair of tights
4 sets of trousers and T shirts
and a dress for a party or evening wear.
I select my toiletries, shower gel
Facial wash, flannel, tooth paste
Tooth brush, face creams
For nights and days and
A night dress, pyjamas
A dressing gown neatly laid out.

Then there is my make up
My camera, my jewellery - these
I carefully pack in separate
Velvet lined boxes.
I have deliberated taken my time
Went back and forth
To select pieces that match
My clothes and enhance my beauty.

I pack hoop earrings, drop earrings
Stud earrings, chockers, necklaces,
Pendants, rings inlaid with different
Gems and semi-precious stones.
I select amber, amethyst, coral my favourite
And deep blue lapis set in silver.

It has taken me most of the day
But now all is packed in
My 'eminent' bag with my name tag.

Not too long ago I saw a mountain
Of suitcases with names of owners
Carefully scribed on them
With neat bold hands -
Some in Latin scripts some in
Roman Numerals, some in Hebrew
Each letter carefully formed and drawn

Some had even additional artwork
In colours and symbols -
Affectionate adornments full of feeling
Signifying ownership - wearing its owner's
Designer stamp and mark
Now dusty, abandoned empty
And forlorn they waited in the passage
Of history with a grim message!

All these objects we collect
All these things that are mine
All the ephemera I carry - has
No meaning, no purpose
Can be a dead weight - a burden
And yet it tells my story
An essential part of my life
My biography - my history - just as
Their snatched away emptied suitcases
Their awesome History!

12th May 2009


Two Gipsy Children

Two Gypsy children with
Mischievous grins
Do acrobatics, somersaults
Head stands, cartwheels
And speedy spins.

They giggle and laugh
Run and cavort
Splash in muddy water
Blow bubbles and snort
Enjoy life to the brim.

Their ragged clothes
I barely notice
They bear no shoes
They wiggle their toes
Make merry and sing.

Their sparkling eyes
And ready wit
I am enchanted for a while
And return their wink
With a grin and a smile.

My mind recalls that sepia picture
Of two gypsy children
Who played and smiled
With million others they died
And no one saw them, no one cried!

In Auscwitz ghosts of little faces
Scream with rage and ask
This question - why, why, why?
Why did you let this tragedy happen?

All those happy angel children burnt
To cinders by heartless monsters?

14th May 2009






About Sundar
Gallery 1
Gallery 2
R.D.K Trust